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Sex Toys - A Beginner's Guide
Sex Toys - A Beginner's Guide
To many the world of sex toys is an unknown place. Our embarrassment about things sexual seems to be particularly high when it comes to sex toys. This means that most of us know only a little, and much of that is based on hearsay and the opinions of a few. Should you develop any further questions while reading this, please see our Q&A Section Vibrators - The Basics.
What are Sex Toys?
Sex Toys are a general term which covers everything from the classic vibrators through to things like penis rings, which can also have medical benefits. Some of the basic categories are:
Non-vibrating Dildos/Dongs
Usually phallic shaped, to be used by inserting into the vagina or anus for stimulation. They can be made of plastic, silicone, latex, and more 'artful' ones are now being produced using glass and metal.
Vibrators
These are often phallic in design, but other shapes such as curves (to hit the G-Spot) and now even the rubber duckies are becoming very popular. They have one or more motors which power rotating weights causing them to 'vibrate'. The more expensive ones have better, and more, motors, often with variable speed settings. They vary in size from lipstick sized to many inches in length.
Deluxe Vibrators
The "Rabbit" style of vibrator. The difference is that a rabbit vibrator has an additional 'limb' that is designed to vibrate on and stimulate the clitoris, whilst the main shaft is inserted into the vagina. These can also be used by men, for anal penetration, using the external vibrator to tickle the scrotum. The ultimate for Three-way stimulation, they excite the labia, G-Spot and clitoris simultaneously for truly explosive orgasms!
Eggs & Bullets
A type of mini vibrator, usually with a separate battery pack. Just a very small egg or bullet shaped object which vibrates. Can be used to stimulate both men and women, but usually not recommended for internal use as most are not waterproof. These are becoming increasingly popular as they can be put between a couple as they are making love, increasing stimulation without getting in the way.
Masturbators
Usually tube shaped toys for men to insert their penis into. Popular as a way of getting an orgasm through different feelings. Many are realistically styled to imitate the entrance to the vagina, anus or mouth for visual as well as physical stimulation. Many masturbators also feature a vibrating Egg or Bullet which is inserted into the sleeve to provide added stimulation.
Anal Beads
Specially designed for insertion into the anus. Standard vibrators should not be inserted into the anus because they do not have a flange to stop them being 'sucked up' into the back passage. Anal beads and plugs all have a type of retainer to prevent this. Also toys of any type should not be used on both the anus and vagina because of the risk from bacteria.
Erection Rings
Also known as Cock Rings, Erection Rings provide constriction at the base of the penis and testicles, resulting in both pleasure and firmer, longer lasting erections. How much added firmness and lasting power they provide depends on any number of factors, such as mood, medication, situation, and other physical factors--your individual experience may differ from time to time. Vibrating erection rings give vibration to the wearer and provide clitoral stimulation to a female partner during vaginal penetration -- making a man into a vibrator.
Pumps & Suckers
Suction pumps create a vacuum of air, drawing blood to the area to temporarily enlarge and heighten sensitivity to whatever is being pumped. Because human arousal causes blood to flow to genital areas, pumps are helpful in stimulating arousal. Pumps can be used for penis enlargement and some men report an overall increase over time, though there have been no studies to support these claims. Penis pumps can be handy for maintaining erection if upon removal they are immediately followed by the application of a erection ring. Never over pump an area; this may damage nerve endings and can harm capillaries, like when someone gives you a "hickey." Pumps work well when used on shaved areas, and with a bit of lube or oil at the base to create a perfectly tight seal. Do not use pumps if you have medical conditions surrounding whatever area you'd like to pump (consult your doctor).
Strap-Ons
A strap-on is any harness that can be worn and holds a dildo, for penetration. They can be used to penetrate a lover vaginally, anally and orally. Harnesses come in leather, fabric, in a variety of sizes, and have numerous variations such as crotch-less, g-string style, and thigh harnesses. Most harnesses allow the user to remove the dildo for cleaning, and to change dildos for variety. Harnesses are used by all kinds of couples for all kinds of reasons and types of sex play.
Lube
One of the biggest myths about lubricant that it is only used by people who "need" it--when in fact it is used recreationally by pleasure seekers purely for the fact that extra-slippery sex feels incredible. Even people who lubricate quite well naturally love to use lube to increase their fun. Naturally well-lubricated, aroused women aren't always wet when they want to be, and this can come from antihistamines, medications, mood, hormones and other factors. And for anal play, using lube is a requirement to prevent painful anal penetration.
Lubes come in many forms, and making a selection depends on personal preference and your intended use. Lubes come in varying consistencies such as thin (liquid), creamy (lotion), thick (gel) and silicone (similar to oil). Vaginal lubrication and male masturbation might go well with liquids and lotions, while anal sex requires the staying power of gel or silicone. "Water-based" and silicone lubes contain no oil, so they won't break condoms. Also, oils are difficult to flush from the vaginal canal and can contribute to vaginal infections, so water-based and silicone lubes are highly recommended for vaginal use.
Silicone lube has incredible staying power, yet feels like a thin oil, and has been determined to be totally safe for vaginal use. Silicone lube does not absorb into the skin. Silicone lube may react with silicone sex toy materials, and we do not recommend using these together.
Flavoured lubricants are fun for oral sex play, and come in a range of flavours. Select flavours that sound appealing. Warming Oils heat on contact, and warm even more when you blow on them. Warming oils typically contain oil that will destroy latex (condoms), so use them carefully, and women with vaginal sensitivities may want to only use flavoured and warming lubes externally. The additive Nonoxynol-9 has been found to be an abrasive detergent that can harm sensitive internal surfaces; we recommend against using lube with this additive.
For more on Lubrication, or should you have any further questions, see our Q&A Section Lubricants – The Basics.
Condoms
Available in latex, non-latex (polyurethane) and animal skin, condoms prevent pregnancy and the spread of many viruses and infections. Animal skin condoms should only be relied on for pregnancy prevention; the small pores may allow transmission of some sexually transmitted infections. Oil of any kind will break a latex condom--that includes massage oils, cooking oils, baby oil, edible finger paints, and food substances such as whipped cream, chocolate and others. Blow up a balloon, rub a tiny bit of oil on it, and it will break in seconds (try it!). Polyurethane condoms are great for people with latex sensitivities, though they do not stretch and require lots of lube.
All condoms need lube; even latex will absorb moisture. Drip a drop or two of lube into the inside tip of a condom before rolling it on for added sensation for both of you, plus it will keep the condom resilient.
Extensions
Penis extensions are sleeves that slide on or unroll over a penis to add length and width, to reduce sensation, or simply for a different sensation for both sex partners. Most extensions are made of porous materials and should not be shared with other partners and should only be used vaginally or anally--never both. Clean the extension thoroughly after each use and rinse well; discard after a few uses to maintain a sanitary condition.
Sleeves
Male masturbation sleeves add a new dimension to men's self-pleasure, and come in a huge variety of shapes, sizes, materials, and themes. Some are simple tubes that provide sensation and constriction, yet they can range to large replicas of realistic anatomy with multiple openings and vibration. Something different than the usual masturbation routine, they can also add to fantasies such as sex with a porn star, or anal sex. They are made of porous materials and should be cleaned thoroughly after each use, and rinsed well. They can be warmed up in hot water, or cooled down in ice water for a twist (never boil or freeze). Sleeves should never be shared.
Choosing a sex toy for you or your partner
If you are a beginner with sex toys just remember, we all were once! Pleasure toys are much more common than society would have us believe. Introducing sex toys to a relationship is as much about the stimulation in communication it often brings, as the physical stimulation. As with anything you should start small and slowly and work up. This is so both you and your partner can see what enjoyment sex toys can bring without shock, or discomfort!
Smaller vibrators, and ones which don't try and look overtly phallic are popular starter ones. Do remember to use good quality, water-based lubricant with all sex toys. It really makes a difference to being able to use them both internally and externally, even if there is plenty of natural lubrication. Lube is almost a sex toy in itself as hands and other parts feel very different when made very slippery!
If you want a toy that is completely non-phallic then try a waterproof sponge. Nobody can feel threatened or sleazy with these, and leaving it around the house isn't a problem either. Excellent for a bath time back massage, and if things progress it can be even more enjoyable in the more sensitive areas.
Popular for couples looking to increase the pleasure from intercourse are vibrating cock rings. So small that they just fit between you to stimulate the clitoris and feel good for the man too, without getting in the way. Again they are very disarming and non-threatening to the beginner. A great first toy!
Introducing a sex toy
People often worry about this a lot before they do it and then realise that the worry was completely unjustified and their partner was very 'warm' to the idea! Every situation is different and we can't hope to give you a fool proof plan for everybody. Be sensitive and think about your partner's feelings, timing can be all important. Whether you wrap it up as a present, leave it under the pillow in a black velvet bag, or introduce it into foreplay, giving your partner time to think about using toys will make all the difference when it comes to putting your toy to use.
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